Before They Were Men
Essays on Manhood, Compassion, and What Went Wrong
Gender nonconforming thought leader and bestselling author Jacob Tobia offers a paradigm-shifting argument for fundamentally reframing how we think about men.
The conversation about masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny has never been so prominent or heated. Alarmed by a new generation of angry, broken young men, genderqueer writer Jacob Tobia set out to explore what was going on and came to a shocking conclusion: emotionally and spiritually-speaking, men and boys may be the ones suffering the most under the gender binary right now.
Jacob should know. For their gender-defying adolescent heart, the nonconsensual process of being “made a man” was crushing. After spending a lifetime fleeing manhood and masculinity, Jacob dares to ask the question: what happens if we stop understanding men as categorical…
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August 26, 2025Jacob Tobia (pronouns: they/them) is a gender nonconforming writer, producer, and performer based in Los Angeles. A member of the Forbes 30 Under 30 and the OUT 100, Jacob made television history voicing the nonbinary character of Double Trouble in Netflix’s She-Ra and The Princess of Power. Their writing and advocacy have been featured by The New York Times, Time, The Guardian, Good Morning America, and The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, among others. Originally from Raleigh, North Carolina, Jacob has worn high heels in the White House twice. Sissy is their debut memoir.