One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter

Essays

Publisher: Doubleday Canada
**National Bestseller
**A New York Times Book Review Editor's Choice
**Globe and Mail Best Book of 2017
**National Post Best Book of 2017
**A CBC Best Book of 2017

**An Amazon Best Book of 2017
**A Popsugar Best Book of 2017
**A Kobo Best Book of 2017
**An NPR Best Book of 2017
**A Chatelaine Best Book of 2017
**A Buzzfeed Best Book of 2017
**A Book Riot Best Book of 2017
**A Chicago Review of Books Best Book of 2017
**A Paste Best Book of 2017
**An Amazon Best Humour and Entertainment Book of 2017
**Nominated for the 2017 Goodreads Choice Award


For readers of Mindy Kaling, Jenny Lawson and Roxane Gay, a debut collection of fierce and funny essays about growing up the daughter of Indian immigrants in Canada, "a land of ice and casual racism," by the irreverent, hilarious cultural observer and incomparable rising star, Scaachi Koul.


In One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter, Scaachi deploys her razor-sharp humour to share her fears, outrages and mortifying experiences as an outsider growing up in Canada. Her subjects range from shaving her knuckles in grade school, to a shopping trip gone horribly awry, to dealing with internet trolls, to feeling out of place at an Indian wedding (as an Indian woman), to parsing the trajectory of fears and anxieties that pressed upon her immigrant parents and bled down a generation. Alongside these personal stories are pointed observations about life as a woman of colour, where every aspect of her appearance is open for critique, derision or outright scorn. Where strict gender rules bind in both Western and Indian cultures, forcing her to confront questions about gender dynamics, racial tensions, ethnic stereotypes and her father’s creeping mortality—all as she tries to find her feet in the world.
     With a clear eye and biting wit, Scaachi Koul explores the absurdity of a life steeped in misery. And through these intimate, wise and laugh-out-loud funny dispatches, a portrait of a bright new literary voice emerges.

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Inheritance Tax
 
Only idiots aren’t afraid of flying. Planes are inher­ently unnatural; your body isn’t supposed to be launched into the sky, and few people comprehend the science that keeps them from tumbling into the ocean. Do you know how many planes crash every year? Neither do I,...
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PRAISE FOR

"Koul puts on a breezy and fleetingly filthy sideshow, but when she writes about gender and race she reveals that knife-throwing is her main act." —The New York Times

"Toronto journalist and BuzzFeeder Scaachi Koul has carved a niche for herself as a uniquely outspoken critic. As a writer of colour, her collection of essays offers her usual derisive wit and sharp take on a life caught between Western and Indian cultures, not just as a woman, but as someone keenly aware enough to know that the world is an outrage and we're just living in it." —National Post

"Human behaviour is Koul's specialty. Her wide-ranging book of essays touches upon many subjects—sexism, racism, feminism and culture—in a deeply personal and humorous narrative. . . . Koul does this by bringing her vulnerability, honesty and, of course, wry sense of humour to the discussion. She weaves stories, which through their cultural uniqueness and specificity, become universal and applicable to all." —The Globe and Mail 

"At a moment in publishing when writing anchored in the author's personal experience is simultaneously omnipresent and undercooked, Koul sets a forceful standard that other writers should follow, reminding readers that life experience is a compliment to analytical rigor, not a substitute for it. It's too easy for confessional writing to leave the reader feeling a little smug about having a life that's not a wreck and vaguely disappointed not to have stockpiled enough drama for a memoir. Koul is far more engaging company than that—and far more challenging." —The Washington Post

"Koul's irreverent and funny essays explore the binds of being the child of immigrants, shuttling between Canada and India, between love and resentment." —The New York Times Book Review

"At once hilarious and passionate, razor sharp and free flowing, this fearless collection of essays proves why Scaachi Koul's voice will set the agenda for how we talk racial and sexual politics for years to come. A masterful storyteller and a full-time provocateur, Koul challenges, entertains, educates—and along the way has written a gorgeous love letter to her family roots and women everywhere." —Kamal Al-Solaylee, award-winning author of Brown and Intolerable

"Somehow Scaachi Koul manages to be impeccably dry and extravagantly vulnerable at the same time. She makes you feel less alone by being completely herself­—funny (so funny), uncertain, clear-eyed and good. I love her and I love this book." —Lindy West, author of Shrill

"One Day We'll All Be Dead is an absolutely wonderful, impossible-not-to-love book. Whether writing about race or girlhood, the internet or family, Scaachi Koul's writing makes each issue feel fresh and newfound. Hilarious but thoughtful, Koul draws you into her life and makes you never want to leave." —Jessica Valenti, New York Times bestselling author of Sex Object

"You might not be the child of Indian immigrants, you might not be Canadian, and you might not even have an irrational fear of death, but I can guarantee that after reading the hilarious and honest essays in Scaachi Koul's debut collection, you'll agree that One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter is the most relatable book you'll read this year." —Bustle

"One Day We'll All Be Dead made me laugh embarrassingly loud on the train while surrounded by snarling, irritated commuters, approximately 1,729 times. And she has so many killer lines that destroyed me. Scaachi Koul is a miracle." —Samantha Irby, author of Meaty

"She's funny, she's outspoken and the popular BuzzFeed writer (and prolific Twitter personality) is now out with this personal essay collection. It's refreshing to have a Canadian voice talking about race and being a woman." —Toronto Star

"Those who follow Koul's work as an editor at BuzzFeed or on Twitter know that she's an all-caps force who doesn't suffer fools or anonymous online trolls gladly. The sly, cutting sarcasm—and the misery—still reverberate through One Day We’ll All Be Dead, but they've been tempered, leaving breathing room for Koul to share more vulnerable observations of her life and her roles as a young woman, a girlfriend, a best pal and a daughter of Indian immigrants." —Metro 

"Koul covers both broad and intimate territory, from her fear of flying to ethnic stereotypes and body image, with the sharp perspective of a perpetual outsider." —FASHION

"Despite her tough topics, Koul's voice snaps with the same wit as her advice column on Hazlitt and her culture commentary on BuzzFeed." —NOW

"You're probably already in love with Scaachi Koul on Twitter, so if you read this book, be warned that you'll likely fall even deeper. Equal parts hilarious and profound, it's simply a must-read." ―Cosmopolitan 

"I want to compare Koul to Nora Ephron and David Sedaris so that you'll buy the book (and because it is that funny), but her deft voice―with its smirking gut punches, its generous exasperation―is unmistakable, or at least will be soon." The Village Voice 

"Looking for a voice-of-their-generation type writer? No pressure or anything, but BuzzFeed writer Scaachi Koul might fit the bill. Drawing comparisons to Mindy Kaling and Roxane Gay, Koul is a voice for outsiders, children of immigrants and just about any other millennial trying to make their way in today's perplexing world with this entertaining and thought-provoking collection of essays. And what a title, right?" —Rolling Stone

"Fierce, funny and unapologetic, Scaachi Koul uses sharp wit and candid humour to confront issues of sexism, racism and stereotypes. . . . One of the most candid and definitive representations of an entire generation." —The Independent (UK)

"Cutting and hilarious, drawing out personal experiences to confront, more broadly, systems of oppression. [Koul] writes with nuance and frankness, adding fresh insight to conversations around immigration—Koul's confronting her cultural ambivalence upon returning to her parents' homeland is especially affecting—and identity. And then, also, it's just super funny. Koul is incisive in her criticism, but doesn't shy away from poking fun at herself." —Buzzfeed

"Simultaneously uproarious and affecting, the personal essays in Buzzfeed contributor Koul's debut explore the nuances of life as a first-generation Canadian with Indian parents, from phobias, guilt trips and grudges to the drama of interracial dating. . . . The specifics of Koul's life are unique, but the overarching theme of inheritance is universal, particularly the vacillation between struggling against becoming one's parents and the begrudging acceptance that their ways might not be so bad. Koul's deft humor is a fringe benefit." —Publishers Weekly, starred review

"From quips about rimming a cocktail glass with children's Tylenol or her flair for effortlessly growing a beard rivalling any man's to frank discussions of white privilege, online harassment and her unfortunate familiarity with date rape drugs, One Day We'll All be Dead is alternately light-hearted and heavy hitting, rich with humour that is never without an edge of wisdom and cultural criticism, while simultaneously showing Koul to be as self-conscious, sentimental and sometimes lost and confused as the rest of us." —Quill & Quire

"It sounds heavy, but we promise you'll laugh out loud." —Canadian Living

"One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter is funny. In fact, it can be laugh-out-loud funny while still being fearless and thought-provoking." —The Province

"You've got to love a book that kicks off with the line 'Only idiots aren't afraid of flying' and goes on to detail why, exactly, this is the case. Whether she's musing about this or bikini waxes, Indian weddings, growing up as the daughter of immigrants or sharing hilarious emails from her dad, Koul's essays are sharp, hilarious and insightful." —New York Post

"Scaachi Koul's writing has it all—a gut-busting sense of humor, clear-eyed honesty and striking introspection." —Mother Jones

"Koul writes about family, friendship, sex and race with eloquent insight and bracing humor that punch your stomach and pump blood through your heart in equal measure. Koul speaks how she writes—never reluctant to express a candid or unpopular opinion, but always doing so with sincerity and humor." —Esquire

"Koul nails hardballs into the abyss, one essay at a time." Hazlitt 

"Winner of the highly competitive Summer 2017 Author With Whom I'd Most Like To Have Happy Hour award, Koul is a writer for BuzzFeed Canada, making her debut with this collection of thoughtful, funny essays that made me think of Nora Ephron's effortless voice. She writes, with instant-friend intimacy, of her family (her perpetually worrying parents in Calgary, her countless relatives in India), of what it means to be Canadian/Indian, of feminism, of her boyfriend (who's white, older and affectionately referred to as Hamhock) and of how to react when your bikini waxer seems to be having a heart attack." —The Seattle Times

"Settle in to read this and you'll be getting to know a new friend. . . . Scaachi is funny, intelligent and honest." —Hello!

"Beautifully daring. . . . Reading [Koul's] essays is like having that friend you've always wanted; brutally honest—mainly about herself—and fearless in her capacity to be an outspoken and vulnerable human being." —Los Angeles Review of Books

"Koul deftly brings together both . . . the acerbic immediacy of her social-media presence and her observational, analytical prowess as a cultural essayist. . . . [One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter] deals with some complex and often heartbreaking topics. But make no mistake: this book is also furiously funny." —Winnipeg Free Press

"It's so refreshing to hear a woman of color speak out candidly about her experiences as a writer and feminist who has a strong online presence. Her dark humor is as entertaining as it is relevant. . . . A must-read for anyone who wants to laugh and learn more about how our generation is bridging the gap between our parents' culture and our millennial ways." —Popsugar

"Well-written, somewhat alien, snot-blowingly funny and occasionally wise. . . . [Koul] writes with assured sass and maturity." —Library Journal 

"Featuring Twitter trolls, knuckle hair and more, [Koul's] debut book is a winning combination of funny and thoughtful." —CBC Books

"Anyone who is familiar with Koul's writing knows she is intelligent, funny and razor sharp—and her new book is all of these things. Koul tackles serious issues such as racism, rape culture and body image with candor and humor." —Chicago Review of Books

"[Koul] has an irreverent, hilarious and searing view on life. . . . From her experiences as the child of Indian immigrant parents in Canada, to the very real realities of being a woman harassed online, her prose is illuminating, smart and a good encapsulation of what it means to be young and female in the early twenty-first century." —Huffington Post