Last week one of our colleagues here at the Penguin Random House office, Samantha Swenson, travelled home to Nova Scotia to visit her family. The trip was one she wouldn't soon forget. And thanks to her tweets neither will we.
Traffic & construction en route to billy bishop makes having a downtown airport almost useless. Almost... I'm coming, cookies! Wait for me!
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Woman near me on the plane is going off on airports and customer service to her partner. And he is playing angry birds.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
This woman is really mad at the airport people. There is swearing and talk of letter-writing. He's still playing angry birds.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
She has a strange monotonous voice that manages to sound mad and bored at the same time. And sarcastic at all times.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Now she is mad at him for some reason. Surprisingly not for playing angry birds while she is talking to him about important yelly topics.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
It seems to be about plans. "Well I can't accommodate your wishes. I didn't KNOW you wanted to go OUT tonight."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Full on fight is happening now and I can't concentrate on my book. They are yelling and swearing. So I will tweet instead.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
So I'M responsible for us arriving too late for you to go out. I'm SO SORRY. Maybe if you'd TOLD me, you ASSHOLE.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
He's got his mansplaining voice on now. It's not helping the situation.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
EXCUSE me if I don't want to hang out at CRACK HOUSES with DIRT BAGS. (This is getting weird.)
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
He keeps trying to go back to his book mid-fight, which is rude. It is a book about nazi germany.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Anger is shifting again: "I'd ask the stewardess, but she's such an ASSHOLE I can't." (Flight attendant seems quite normal to me.)
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
This fight has no fight in it. I think this is their normal state of being. Which is to say, I think they might just both be jerks.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Now he's being a dick to the flight attendant, which is no surprise. Naturally I am compelled to go into extra nice mode to make up for it.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Meanwhile, the child behind me has barfed. And the woman next to me has mummified herself in her scarf and is eating Doritos.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
We are on our stopover in Ottawa. She is not happy with this.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
"Do you want to get off and stretch your legs?" "I guess so. But if you get off and SMOKE I'll be coming back IN."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Now she's fighting with the people waiting for the washroom. "I'm not BUTTING, there's no need to be MAD about it. GOD."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Flight attendant has asked her about 4 times to get out of the aisle and she keeps standing there. And then gets mad when she has to move.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Well I HAVE to stand here or these people will YELL at me and I REALLY need to use the WASHROOM.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Meanwhile, the flight attendants are busily cleaning barf off the seat behind me and understandably don't want to deal with these wanks.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
She is now telling her partner about the "loudmouth piece of trash" that singled her out and yelled at her.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
A "fat c*** with her own hemisphere" shouldn't talk to me like that.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
"I was trapped with this woman INSULTING me, and everyone on this plane just goes ALONG with it." Yes. That's true, we did.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
We... Did not hear insults of any kind.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Ok, here comes the clincher: "I don't know why people treat me like this, it always happens." Um, I think I can guess...
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
He was texting someone and she pinched him or bit him or something and he freaked out.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
She wonders "why are you being so pathetic about this." "This" being the woman insulting her I guess?
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
He is now saying "you have problems. There's something wrong with you." Truth. Now she is saying "you can find your own hotel room."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
They are seriously breaking up right now. He is going to turn around and get on another flight.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Irish trash, he is. So was the "fat Irish trash c*** who insulted her."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
She is sick of Irish trash.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
No joke, angry birds again.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 3, 2014
Bickering. More hostile bickering. She just tried to grab his phone. He is sighing. She is calling him a fucking asshole.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
These two are appalling.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
She is saying "I'm on this nightmare of a flight" while the two people behind me are good naturedly dealing with their barf-smelling seats.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
And that sums up her level of assholedom quite nicely.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Ok, taking off again. Stay tuned...
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Ok friends, here comes the rest.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
What you've missed: a meltdown about work: I do ALL the work and she looks at YOUTUBE all day and I get NO vacation.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Continued meltdowns about the previous bathroom altercation.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Some major bitching about the loud talker behind me (barf-seat), which then caused more fights.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
A lot of "please shut up. Stop fucking talking about it. I don't care. Fight your own battles. Stop complaining." from him.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
A lot of "I was attacked. I didn't do anything. You're taking her side (still about the bathroom line)." from her.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Some borderline physical altercations. He told her she had mental problems, she said it was from being around him.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
(She kept grabbing for his book and phone and he would jerk it away from her.)
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
(in fairness, barf-seat is a really loud talker but probably doesn't deserve a gas soaked rag stuffed in her mouth.)
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Interspersed with all this is the loud conversation behind me about dogs & children & marathons, & a couple with a baby making baby sounds.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
She also said: drop dead, never speak to me again, go to all your little dirtbag whorehouses, you're not staying in the hotel with me.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Also a scary thunderstorm in which lightning was very near the plane and we were bouncing around like crazy.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
The jerk chose that moment to press the call button and asked when he was going to get served. "When it's safe to do so, sir."
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
He also asked the flight attendant if she had any empty seats. Bad, bad move. She didn't have any. And now he's stuck.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
The flight attendants are all looking a bit strained, & smiled sympathetically at the desperation in our eyes as we asked for our free wine.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
The woman sitting next to me (Dorito mummy) was so traumatized she was like this for awhile. pic.twitter.com/VG8h9qf89C
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
He took his nazi book to the front for awhile and stood there reading. Sweet, sweet silence ensued.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
All this continued for the whole flight until close to the end. It got quiet. And they left the plane hand in hand.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
So there you have it. Unexpected, but what do I know of love?
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
So to sum up: barf storm, lightning storm, loud talker and the two worst people in the world. I am thankful to be on the ground, unscathed.
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
Home now, where this maniac is demanding belly rubs. This I can deal with. pic.twitter.com/ihJucnfZNd
— Samantha Swenson. (@twinkiethekidd) July 4, 2014
